I’m a worrier and a very high stress person. It’s what I do best. It's probably why I have high blood pressure. I’m told all the time to just breathe and relax by most of the people around me. But I find it extremely difficult to do so. I like to have control, and be in control at all times. If there is a situation out of my control, I will stress about it until it gets cleared up. I stress and worry from the little things, like making it to work on time every day, to the big things, like if the world really IS going to end in 2012. Ok, maybe not. I really don’t stress about that. But you get the point. I worry about everything that is coming up in my near future. It amazes me I made it through any deployment without having a stroke. When Nick was in the re-enlistment process, I stressed and worried every day what the outcome was. I’m pretty sure I did enough stressing and worrying for the both of us. Then when we made the decision to move back home, the stress became even worse. What about paying for the move? What about money? What about bills? What about jobs? Where will we live? I mean, I can’t complain. For having a one month notice to check out of NC and back into MA, we’ve been pretty lucky. My mom and stepdad took us in, no questions asked, and no rent asked, and has enabled us to save A LOT. We did a ditty move out of NC, and it covered the whole cost and then some. We also received money for our drives back to MA. Nick sold back 30 leave days and got 2 paychecks out of the deal, plus his last pay for his last few weeks in the Marine Corps. He also got $4,000 for a study he did in Texas on active duty military with TBI’s, which helped A LOT. He got 70% disability from the VA on his first claim, so we didn’t have dispute anything which was amazing. And I was lucky enough to land a job at WB Mason thanks to my dad getting me in for an interview. Nick even has found part time work for while he’s going to school. But, I still have a million other things I find myself stressing and worrying about. We didn’t have cash to pay for parking at Alewife one night a few weeks ago, and were given an envelope and an address to write a check to for payment. We were told if we didn’t pay it we would be fined $500. I paid it the next day, but the check just cashed today. Seriously? That was a month of worrying. I worry about Nick every day he goes to class. How’s his anxiety? How is he reacting to people? The crowds? Participating in class? Is he going to snap and go all PTSD on someone? (Which is rare. He can control his out bursts pretty well. I’m the only person he really lets his guard down around.) But I think I have reason to worry when he says he wishes he could still carry an M16 around with him everywhere he goes, and that he sits in the back of the class room so he can see everyone who enters and exits. I’ll feel better about all that when he gets his PTSD service dog and can take him to class. But my latest BIG stress activity is…the home buying process.
My mother told me it was an extremely stressful process. She wasn’t kidding! It was fun at first. We got pre-approved for a VA Loan right away. Finding a realtor was no sweat, since we decided to go with our friend Rich’s mom, Mary. Then there was the fun part at looking at houses. It’s a lot of fun to go into houses and see what people think is good decorating taste. We saw a lot of trashed houses that had been foreclosed on, and we saw houses that looked like they hadn’t been updated since the 60s and 70s. It was hard to find something that fit my taste in our price range. The first house we put an offer on was a short sale that wasn’t bank approved. It broke my heart to think that it would take months for our offer to be accepted, since I loved the house. Our realtor suggested we look at other houses in the mean time. Thank God she suggested that, because I found an amazing, gorgeous, updated house in Lowell right in our price range that WASN’T a short sale! Our offer was accepted when 24 hours. Before I knew it, we were dropping $2,500 as good faith payment, and $450 on the home inspection. The house passed the home inspection with very minor things needing to be done. We then did our baking application and locked in an interest rate of 4.25% for 30 years. This all happened within 3 days. It was crazy! I had no time to have buyers remorse. We then signed our purchase and sale a week after our offer was accepted. So basically the house is under agreement, and it can’t be swiped out from under us by anyone else. But now we wait. We wait for the appraisal to be done, and we wait for our financing to be finalized. I preferred when things moved quicker. When I have time to think, I have time to worry and stress. What if the house doesn’t appraise out? What if our financing doesn’t go through after all? I’ve been terrified to spend ANY kind of money, because I don’t want the mortgage lender to think we’re irresponsible. It’s been weighing so much on my mind lately. When we signed the purchase and sale, we were told the appraisal and financing should be finalized by September 10th. That’s tomorrow. I highly doubt it’s going to be done by then. The VA takes their sweet ass time on everything. Just gives me more time to sweat it all out. I won’t stop stressing until the keys to that house are in my hands on September 30th. So close, yet so far away..
On a happier note, Nick gets to take a ride with a state trooper today to Mass General. Last time he drove to MGH for his Dr. appointment with the Home Base program, he got lost coming home and got into an accident with my car, when some jerk backed out of a parking lot without looking and right into my car. Needless to say, it was an aggravation he didn’t need, so he told his VA Advocate he wouldn’t drive anymore. His VA Advocate is amazing, and I am so thankful he got hooked up with a good one. She made the arrangement with the statie so he doesn’t have to drive in anymore. He also got his first essay back in his writing class, and apparently his professor loved what he wrote. He asked me if he could hang it on the fridge, haha. I sat in my cubicle at work literally laughing out loud when he sent me that text. I also told my supervisor about it, and we both got a good laugh out of it. One of the things I love about him is that he can always make me laugh J It makes everything I’ve gone through with him worth it. After all, at the end of the day, I’d rather be laughing than crying.
Can I also mention you can feel fall in the air today? I'm so excited! I can't wait for the fall :) I missed the New England fall while I was in NC. It's nice to be home :)
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